A  blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. 
After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly--from the sky--a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" 

The Blond, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" 

She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?"

The voice replied, "No. This is the Manager of the Ice Rink!"

Three blondes die and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first blonde,

 "What is Easter?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..."

"Wrong!" replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?"

The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus." 

St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "What is Easter?"

The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is." 

"Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously. 

"Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the Last Supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder." 

St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.

The third blonde continues, "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out... and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."

So there's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoohoo," she shouts. "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back, "You are on the other side."

Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the Captain announced, "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry, we have three engines left." 

Thirty minutes later, the Captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry, we have two engines left."

An hour later the Captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left."

One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day."

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.

Blonde: "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me." 

Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"

B: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car." 

P: "Uh ... How's that working?" 

B. "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet." 

P. "And why do you think that is?"

B. "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, "For best results, put on two coats."

Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage.

About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, "Just three gunnysacks."

The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack, which had the redhead in it. She went, "Bow-wow," so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it.

Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, "Meow," so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it.

Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and finally the blonde said, "Potatoes."

Three Blondes are stuck on a deserted island, when one of them finds a lamp on the beach. She picks it up and gives it a little rub and a genie pops out. The genie looks at the three Blondes and says, "I normally give three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant each of you one wish."

Well, the first one is tired of being on the island, so she wishes to go back home. POOF!! She disappears.

The second one said she, too, is tired of the island, and wishes to go home. POOF!! She too disappears.

The genie then turns to the last Blonde and asks her what her wish is. "Gee," she says, "I'm awfully lonely here by myself. I wish my friends were still here ..."

A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her, "Go do something to prove them wrong! Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?" The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying.

The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, "I'm NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I can name all the state capitals!" 

The guy doesn't believe her, so she dares him to test her. He says "Okay, what's the Capital of Montana?" 

The blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, "That's easy! It's M!"

Suzie (A Blonde) was driving her car through a hailstorm and noticed that her car had little dents in it from some of the hail strikes. She took her car to a body shop where a young man decided to have some fun. He quoted her an excessively high price for removing the dents. She balked at this and asked if there were any cheaper way to go. He told Suzie that dents could sometimes be removed by blowing on the tail pipe of the car and that would "pop" them out. Dutifully, she took her dented car home and changed clothes. When her blonde roommate came home and saw Suzie with her mouth wrapped around the tail pipe of her automobile, she yelled: "Suzie, what on earth are you doing?"

Suzie took relief from her huffing and puffing to tell her what the man at the body shop explained to her.

Her roommate looked at her quizzically and said, "Well, DUH... Don't you think it would work better if you rolled up the windows"?

A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the Morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde also), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, the ocean is 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

Her husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know 'if the coast was clear.' "

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"