A blonde is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas so she stops at the gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so she can attempt to open the door herself. She goes outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant goes outside to see how the blond is faring.

The blond outside of the car is moving the hanger around and around, while the blond inside of the car is saying, "A little more to the left... a little more to the right!!"

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone.

The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi Hun," he says "how do you like your new phone?

She replies: "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there is one thing I don't understand though."

"What's that, baby?" asks the husband. "How did you know I was at Wal- Mart?"

A blonde went out to her mailbox and looked in, closed the door and went back to the house. A few minutes later she went out and looked in the mailbox again. She did this several times and her neighbor who was watching her said, "you must be expecting a very important letter today, the way you keep looking into your mailbox!"

The blonde answered, "No, I am working on my computer and it keeps telling me that I have mail...................."

A blonde's car breaks down on the Interstate one day, so the she eases it over onto the shoulder. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Out jump two men in trench coats, who walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing themselves to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in history of this highway occurs. It's not very long before a police car shows up.

The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the driver of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What the hell is going on here?"

"My car broke down," says the lady, calmly.

"Well, what are these perverts doing here by the road?" screams the cop.

"Those are my emergency flashers!" replied the blonde!

On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket.

The blonde replied "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving."

Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section.

Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving."

The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what should he do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde and I know how to handle this."

He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?"

Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."

Q: Why can't you tell blondes knock knock jokes?
A: Because they go and answer the door.

Q: What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
A: The invitation.

Q: What do you call a good-looking man with a brunette?
A: A hostage.

Q: How do you describe a brunette whose phone rings on Saturday night?
A: Startled.

A blonde walks up to a Coke machine in a Las Vegas casino, puts in a few coins, and out pops a Coke. She puts some more coins into the machine, and another can of soda pops out. She keeps putting in coins, and cans of soda keep coming out.

A guy walks up behind her and says, "Can I please use the machine?"

"NO!" she says. "Can't you see I'm winning?"

Why did the blonde get on the roof of the bar?? She heard drinks were on the house.

A blonde waitress goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, the bartender, concerned about all his employees' well being, asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

To which the blonde replies....."Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, explains to the young girl. "Why don't you go home for the day.....We aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly states......"No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual...."If you need anything, just let me know."

Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying!! He rushes out to her, asking, "What's so bad now........Are you gonna be ok??"

"No......" exclaims the blonde. "I just got a call from my sister. She told me that HER mom died too!!"

SHE WAS SO BLONDE THAT.............

she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday
she sent me a fax with a stamp on it
she thought a quarterback was a refund
she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order
she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center
she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats
under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics"
she tried to drown a fish
she tripped over a cordless phone
she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate"
she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind
she got stabbed in a shoot-out
she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK"
she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death
if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back
they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade
she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here".. she put "Sagittarius"
she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store
it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes
if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless
she studied for a blood test - and failed
she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train
she sold the car for gas money
when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends
when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved
she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill
when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead
when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. 
She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. 

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

 
"There are only three doors in here," she sobbed. "One is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb'!"

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."